. In just a few hours, Mr Tan took on the responsibility of a caregiver giving permission for his wifes brain operation to proceed and watching over her as she went into an induced coma for almost 10 days. Wellcome Trust. Can you tell me a bit about how you guys know each other, and how you decided to work together on My Beautiful Broken Brain?LOTJE SODDERLAND: Wed only met once before the stroke, about two months before at a work meeting. It could have happened at any time. I really enjoy words, and I always loved writing. When I woke up, I knew who he and my mother were but I couldnt be sure the familiar stranger inhabiting my body was me. There's also thought to be a very meta all-male version in the works from the creators of Jump Street, set in the same universe as Men In Black no less, If you thought Abrams' Star Trek films were bad, feast your eyes on the trailer for the next one from the director of the Fast & Furious franchise. I went to see some fireworks with friends in the evening, followed by a trip to the pub, and returned to my flat at around 10pm. My brain no longer had the ability to switch off. He subsequently became an executive producer on the film, "which definitely didn't hurt, having his name on your poster" notes Robinson. Videos Mit: . Ive worked on a new character, becoming more patient, more accepting, kinder to myself and to the people around me. Please, Lotje Sodderland thought her brain damage meant the end of her love life. Later on, I learned the stroke was caused by a rare development of malformed blood vessels in my brain. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. That says a lot about the hype over this comic book adaptation, which revels in the villains rather than the heroes for once and sees Jared Leto step into Heath Ledger's size 58 boots as the new Joker, Friendly-looking dad named Chesley Sullenberger who saves a plane load of people? When I didnt respond, she said, Most people cry when I tell them this. The idea was to confront me, in an attempt to get me to improve, but I found it very distressing. But also I used it just on a practical level, to remember things, like meetings with doctors, and to communicate with friends, because I couldnt read or write. Lotje Sodderland is on Facebook. I would then spend a further 140 minutes a day on the laptops visual and sonic word repetition training app. Like all newlyweds, IT professionals Mr and Mrs Tan* had big plans for their married life after getting hitched in October 2018. There was a man wheeling me around and I spoke to him - but it didn't seem like he could hear what I was saying. La La Land will certainly be different, a musical comedy-drama about a young pianist and an actor played by Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone respectively, This is something of a question mark. Then one night she woke up with a pounding headache; stumbled out of her apartment, where she lived alone; and came to days later in the hospital. I regained my speaking skills and used the film making process as a central tool to figure out who I was through images and sounds. "But I knew that I'd need some help.". They realised that the recovery process can feel monotonous without some spontaneity. From picking their next holiday to setting up their marital home, a stroke diagnosis was the last thing that the couple in their early forties had in mind. It was a lovely email. I used it to record what was going on in my new world. My Beautiful Broken Brain is a 2014 documentary film about the life of 34-year-old Lotje Sodderland after she suffered a hemorrhagic stroke as a result of a congenital vascular malformation in November 2011, initially experiencing aphasia, the complete loss of her ability to read, write, or speak coherently. Iremembered trying to blink the blindness away, my hand lurching wildly into space, searching for my phone but the grids were everywhere. Directors Sophie Robinson Lotje Sodderland (co-director) Writer Sophie Robinson (uncredited) Stars David Lynch Sophie Robinson Hente Sodderland See production, box office & company info Watch on Netflix Now the resulting documentary produced by David Lynch is coming to Netflix, Find your bookmarks in your Independent Premium section, under my profile. During Aphasia SGs movie event at The Projector in November 2019, she bravely agreed to be a part of the post-show panel on stage to share her experience and answer questions from the public. I think its quite unusual to survive if you're by yourself and have a brain haemorrhage -as it's almost impossible to have the ability to figure out what to do. You talked about acceptance. UNIRTE AHORA En este documental, descubriremos por qu David Lynch tuvo un papel clave en la recuperacin de Lotje Sodderland. Itried the radio, but the sounds were overwhelming. As I was filming that first interview, I remember the hairs on my arms sticking on ends, thinking theres something really extraordinary about this woman and everything thats happening. I was just blown away. I struggled to find the logic in a toothbrush, or the system that goes with the washing of hair, even though I knew (without really understanding) that these behaviours were a necessary part of human life. She woke up in her east London flat with a blinding headache and in a state of frightening confusion. But after a few months, the intense regime soon got taxing on the couple. I think it was the day after Lotje came out of hospital that we met. We sent that link through his agent, and other means of contact. He knows putting his name on it would help us in terms of getting the film recognized. We never wanted this to be seen as just a film about recovery, because its so much more than that, Robinson adds. And had I actually gone mad? Lotjeis a fighter and she has the good fortune to have access to therapy. I put it on Vimeo with a password. My family and friends knew that I was going to be different after the stroke and they accepted me. With the help of my Occupational Therapist, I could go to the bank, take out money and manage my bills which gave me a sense of accomplishment. A house cleaner desperately searches for her husband as a dreaded criminal syndicate dredges up past tragedies and ultimately drives her to violence. (laughs), I had to figure out for myself that I was never going to be the same as before and find out how can I work with the new me and see the beauty and positivity in my new limitations.. On the outside, there are no obvious signs of what has happened to me - but there are millions of people out there whose everyday challenges you just cant see. Aphasia SG is a not-for-profit organisation supporting persons with aphasia and their caregivers. Then reality hits. Vogue may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. What does your life look like now?LS: My life is really good now. In the middle of the night, I had a crushing headache that took over my entire body and mind. I woke to hear a voice debating the benefits andpitfalls of dipping a ginger nut biscuit in tea,and knew I must be in hospital again. My mother almost went into shock as she didnt know what to do. I was found unconscious on the toilet floor at 1pm that afternoon. I was filled with faith that this was going to work, and was prepared to overlook the gruelling downsides, including the discomfort of the daily currents andthe punishing, repetitive boredom. Everyone is so pissed about this remake of the Robin Williams cult hit that it will be a miracle if it escapes a critical drubbing, Martin Scorsese's next film doesn't have a mafioso or corrupt banker in sight. All the essentials: top fashion stories, editors picks, and celebrity style. HAPPINESS INITIATIVE SINGAPORE. To keep up her motivation, Mrs Tan sets new targets and uses creative means to practise at home. After a lack of response from his wifes friends, Mr Tan reached out to his buddies to drop by their place for a visit or send encouraging texts from time to time. A language therapist asked me to write down a story idea, and then to tell her the story using my written notes to guide me. But Lotje survives. We just didnt know how to. When the stroke happened, I forgot his name. [4][5], Lotje covers some of the daily challenges that she experienced after sustaining injury to her brain through the stroke, not just with dysphasia and apraxia while communicating through expressive verbal language, reading and writing, but also the memory deficits, confusion, cognitive processing and sensory perception changes, over-sensitivity to noise and the sensations of overwhelm, fatigue, frustration, and at times discouragement about future considering the changes in her life. Sodderland co-directed the multiple award-winning feature film 'My Beautiful Broken Brain' (executive produced by David Lynch), which is her own . Registered in England No. I had spent the weekend with friends, watching fireworks over London, and trying to make impossible things happen for a deadline at work, where I was a documentary producer. She acknowledges that therapists need to assess a person and define what the patients deficits are in order to conduct a proper therapy and figure out how to improve the persons capabilities. I wanted to drink coffee again, andI wanted to get the coffee myself. Before, I weighed my quality of life according to how busy I was, both at work and socially. It helped me to communicate - sending messages to friends and remembering what questions I wanted to ask the doctors. In 2013, Lorna Smalley was rushed to hospital with encephalitis, an inflammation of the brain. Before my stroke, Isaw him, his wife and daughters most weeks. Lotje: When I fell ill, it was a huge shock to everybody as it was such a radical and massive transformation overnight. Published: May 29, 2020 Newlyweds take on challenges of aphasia hand in hand, heart to heart When a sudden illness robbed Mrs Tan of her communication abilities, find out how she and her husband sourced for creative ways to recover while continue to enjoy the sweet moments of married life together. I was really moved. She has tried reading childrens books with family, rewatching movies with subtitles on, and browsing cooking blogs. In celebration of Aphasia Awareness Month this June, we caught up with the Lotje after the free screening of her documentary and had an intimate conversation with her to find out about her post-recovery struggles and how she overcame them. It was a dreary Sunday in November 2011. Every three minutes and 27 seconds, someone in the UK has a stroke. Can You Rebuild My Brain? And then we stayed in touch. She realizes that she needs to come into terms with her new reality, focus on the essential and on the new things she has discovered. Lotje Sodderland is a director and writer, known for My Beautiful Broken Brain (2014), Limbo (2021) and Can You Rebuild My Brain? Butbeforethe end of the therapy, Lotje experiences generalized seizure and is taken to the hospital. Lotje reveals her tips on adjusting to acquired communication disorder aphasia and finding a new way of life in her present reality. Her experience of long-term recovery is all the more poignant in light of a damning new report from the Stroke Association - published to coincide withStroke Awareness month- which says thousandsof victims are abandoned after their initial treatment,and don't receive the support they so desperately need. When you hear someones just had a brain hemorrhage, youre not going to say no. Sometimes, it is not about choosing to be positive but to understand and acknowledge that you have been hit with a mental condition or illness and working your way out of it is going to be very tough. n the short term, I had to re-learn many words and struggled to put them in the right order. Also, I think that speech and language therapy is such an amazing and helpful job to help people regain their communication skills which is a fundamental part of life. Q: Can you share any practices or therapies that you found useful in your recovery? But this is a good opportunity to figure out who your real friends are and let them go. I looked at my iPhone, but had no idea how it worked. I kept forgetting I was a patient, too, until I saw my name tag and my bed. There hasn't been a huge amount of buzz around it but it's early days, and Mark Rylance is an interesting casting for the titular Big Friendly Giant, There's a lot of expectation on director Damien Chazelle's shoulders following the success of Whiplash, one of the smallest films ever to have been nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. We see Lotje applying herself to the task with determination, over many hours, many days, and it seems that she is reading the words more effortlessly. She made it her mission afterwards to understand . I remember at one stage wanting to die because the pain was so intense. My real life began 37 years ago when a puritanical Dutch model with a mission to cut a record called Je Cherche Un Homme met the hedonistic music producer responsible for bringing modern civilisation the pop genre known as y-y, and they fell in love. David Festenstein, who has written a blog about his recovery from a stroke, has suggested that the video and audio recording capabilities on our smartphones can play a vital role in stroke recovery. Her friends describe her as someone impassioned, who was busy multitasking, writing films, writing in general, always readingthick books, someone very articulate. But from that first interview she did on camera, my hairs stood up on my neck.". When he dropped me off at the station I said: Ithink were going to fall in love, and he said: Ithink so, too.. Here she meets scientists using technology to repair "broken" brains. We see her brightenwhen she triumphantly comes up withthe word nephew pointing to a picture of her youngniece. She has been commissioned by Channel 4, Netflix, and The Guardian, and nominated for an Emmy Award as well as receiving awards from Wellcome Trust and IDFA Amsterdam. An excruciating pain in my head woke me up in the early hours. Falling in love was as immediate, raw and unfiltered as if I were doing it for the first time. My brother and I have always been close and, after we left home, we lived very near each other. She woke up in hospital two days later, and once she had her belongings returned to her, found herself reaching for her iPhone and once someone had shown her how to use it again pressing record, Although initially Sodderland was using her phone videos to help her remember all the meetings with doctors, she realised that she also wanted to document what was happening to her. He explained: The paramedics had seen a bottle of cough syrup in the bedroom and assumed the worst. Before the stroke, I was a documentary producer in London, living in what I now realise was a very high-level cognition world. Apple should pay you guys some money! In mid-January, I was admitted to the rehabilitation unit at Homerton hospital for a three-month period. And while I still work in film, it's in the visual side of things as aself-shooting director. This was always a possibility due to her stroke, it turns out, with or without the experimental therapy, althoughthe TMS may have contributed. Since the stroke, I've had to really transform my lifestyle and accept that things are going tobe very different. Since its inception, Aphasia SG has expanded its free community activities to include aphasia choir, virtual programmes and public outreach events such as movie screenings. It seemed entirely impossible that I would be able to love someone else and even more improbable that someone would love the damaged new me. Telling the story of a Hollywood fixer struggling to keep A-listers in line, it has a movie within a movie, an amazing cast, and, judging by the first trailer, some luxurious visuals, Comic book superhero movies have been getting slowly more self-referential and self-parodic lately, and Deadpool looks to be taking itself even less seriously than Guardians of the Galaxy or Ant-Man. At first, my writing looked like a childs. She admits that it takes a very long time to get used to a new brain.. The National Aphasia Association is 501 (c)(3), Words are more like Cats than Dogs: A Commentary on Aphasia, Affiliate Highlight: Aphasia Group of Middle Tennessee. When we first see Sodderland in the riveting new Netflix documentary My Beautiful Broken Brain (premiering Friday after a run at SXSW), shes recording herself on her iPhone in the hospital shortly after regaining consciousness. I would need a code made of numbers. I was so sad to be slow and stupid again. Ive got a really nice camera, and I make documentaries. Elf and Iron Man director Jon Favreau is a fairly safe pair of hands though, and Idris Elba, Ben Kingsley, Scarlett Johansson, Lupita Nyong'o, Christopher Walken, Giancarlo Esposito and Bill Murray are all on board, 'Financial TV personality Lee Gates, who offers up stock advice on his hit show "Money Monster," is held hostage by a viewer, Kyle Budwell, who lost all of his money following a bad tip from Lee during his show'. Eventually, hours later, I managed to get to the hotel across the street and was found unconscious in the toilets. I do really live in the present, which is something that a lot of people aspire to, but for me, has happened as a result of the brain damage. We have noticed that there is an issue with your subscription billing details. Protagonistas: Sophie Robinson,Lotje Sodderland Ve todo lo que quieras. Mr Tan quit his job and poured his heart into finding the best care for his partner by doing his own research and seeking the advice of family and healthcare professionals. Through extensive in-patient and out-patient rehabilitation that included occupational therapy, speech therapy, visits with both a psychologist and psychiatrist, she makes a profound recovery, despite the post-seizure regression she experienced following the experimental transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) treatments. Now, I have to be selective about where Ifocus my attention. 2 months after her strokeshe enrolls in a 3-month long program ina neurological rehabilitation center for people with brain injurieswhere she undergoes psychological and linguistic treatment. She makes it to a local hotel but she cant speak and so she cant explain whats wrong. She hears intense sounds. 34 year old Lotje Sodderland's personal voyage into the complexity, fragility and wonder of her own brain following a life changing hemorrhagic stroke. To our great surprise he wrote an email a few days later back. When Mrs Tan regained consciousness, Mr Tan also had to manage his wifes agitation towards her weakened condition and new disability called aphasia. On one hand, it's landed a cast of incredibly funny actresses, but on the other, another reboot? 17 Oscar-Nominated Netflix Films to Watch in Honor of Awards Season, The Best (and Most Anticipated) Movies of 2023 So Far, The 70 Best Romantic Comedies of All Time. Yet, she also shares her perspective as a patientduring this process: The experience of being defined by what you can no longer do or how you are limited becomes devastating. She drew her brother a picture of a TV and a horizon because she remembered that Robinson had made a documentary for the BBC series and after "a few hours" he figured it out. There was a chance, Iwas told, that I would be cleverer, faster, altogether better, than I had been pre-stroke. She doesnt try to make it sound romantic. JOIN NOW Executive producer David Lynch played a pivotal role in Lotje Sodderland's recovery, as explained in this documentary. We talked about filming. Liam Neeson and Andrew Garfield star, playing two Jesuit Portuguese Catholic priests who face violent persecution when they travel to Japan to seek out their mentor and spread the teachings of Christianity, David Lynchbecame an executive producer on the film, Sodderland is lucky to be alive, having suffered a massive stroke which left her unable to speak, read, write and perform even simple tasks, Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged in, Please refresh your browser to be logged in, My Beautiful Broken Brain: The woman who 'video-selfied' her stroke, 5% off all bookings with this Travelodge discount code, Save 200 on 2023 holidays with this TUI discount code, Extra 15% off Balearic Islands reservation with Barcelo promo code, Family memberships from just 83.40 a year at National Trust, Up to 15% off stays in trending hotels with Hotels.com, Compare broadband packages side by side to find the best deal for you, Compare cheap broadband deals from providers with fastest speed in your area, All you need to know about fibre broadband, Best Apple iPhone Deals in the UK February 2023, Compare iPhone contract deals and get the best offer this February, Compare the best mobile phone deals from the top networks and brands. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. Lotje Sodderlands documentary about her recovery, made with director Sophie Robinson, is now showing at festivals; go to mybeautifulbrokenbrain.com for more information. Our relationship professionally really developed once Id had the stroke. I remember the cognitive psychologist drawing a diagram to indicate where on the scale my old intellect had been, and where it was now. I signed a pile of disclaimers and followed a delightfully deadpan neurologist, Dr Leff, into what looked like an interstellar teleportation device. EMMY AWARDS. How does he know all this stuff?. Starring: Sophie Robinson, Lotje Sodderland Watch all you want. The valuable support provided by her family and friends during this journey of recovery was featured prominently in this documentary. Ninth. When did you decide to send him a message?LS: Toward the end of the first year, Sophie was encouraging me to try. Among the faculties Ihadlost was the ability to understand narrative. Dutch-French filmmaker Lotje Sodderland didn't know young people could suffer from a stroke - until she had one herself in 2011, then aged 34. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. Founded in 2018 by volunteer speech therapists, Aphasia SG aims to create a community where patients with aphasia can bond and speak comfortably at their flagship programme, Chit Chat Cafe. My discharge date arrived in early April, but though Iwas out of hospital, my mind was stuck on my limitations. Can you put your hands on your shoulders? I didnt know what shoulders were. Colours were much more vibrantand sounds were louder. While there have been moments of mourning for my old life, my new limitations mean I have been forced to unravel exactly what I was made of. Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning. He is a beautiful superhero/material engineer, who left London torestore a sawmill in Cornwalls ancient forestland, where Inow spend much of my time. I had met friends at the pub, headed home around 10pm, watched the news on my laptop and gone to bed. Lotje describes herself as hard-working, a traveler, someone who has lots of friends, someone who loves to read. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. I was aware of an existence, a me within my body. She was a 34-year-old advertising executive with no indications of underlying health issues. Speech therapist Goh Huai Zhi shares his understanding of the brain and insights on aphasia recovery. To help communicate, and make sense of her strange new world, Sodderlandfilmed her recovery and the resulting film, My Beautiful Broken Brain,is now on Netflix, executive produced by Twin Peaks director David Lynch. But mostly My Beautiful Broken Brain is about Sodderlands inner journey from confusion, trauma, and sometimes despair to remarkably sunny acceptance of her new life and her new mind. Living on her own, she lays in bed for a while waiting for it to happen but something nudges her to get up and seek help. I didnt need much sleep, and really enjoyed overdoing it at work and play. Six years ago, film-maker Lotje Sodderland suffered from a devastating brain haemorrhage. I had been a film-maker: could I film this? When a sudden illness robbed Mrs Tan of her communication abilities, find out how she and her husband sourced for creative ways to recover while continue to enjoy the sweet moments of married life together. The taxi slid over the speed bumps on the way home; it felt as wild and frightening as a lifeboat on a stormy sea. "I went to meet her the day after she got out of hospital," says Robinson. The documentary does a great job showing thatstroke-related disability is often not only a loss of one function or another, it is a perturbation of ones entire existence, of ones self-image. Lotje: One of the therapies I found very useful was Occupational Therapy. (2018). I began to draw, bringing to life the monsters I had seen in visions and dreams. (2018). Sodderland describes the process of making My Beautiful Broken Brain as essential to her recovery. It is run by a team of dedicated speech therapist volunteers. In a post-surgery self-filmed footage, she shares her excitementof not being dead. And its beautiful. Trained as a paramedic during his national service days, Mr Tan instinctively called for an ambulance immediately. And some risks are worth it. To get money, I would need to use a machine that spewed out notes. Used to solving problems and travelling the world, she suddenly couldnt understand how to get out of her flat to ask for help. Knowing that was not the answer, Mr Tan insisted for more tests and scans which subsequently revealed a dilated pupil and a blood clot in her brain, indicating signs of a stroke. And then he came on board as our executive producer, which was obviously brilliant. In March it will finally get a theatrical release. An acquired language impairment, aphasia typically occurs after a stroke or traumatic brain injury and can affect a persons ability to communicate, both verbal or written. [7], My Beautiful Broken Brain had its world premiere at the 2014 International Documentary Film Festival Amsterdam, where it won the DOC U award. I had no strategy to survive any catastrophes of the heart was it utterly unwise to expose myself to such potential loss? Karen with her husband, Andrew Adams. At the age of 34 Lotje Sodderland suffered a stroke that almost killed her but left her with a fascination with the science that saved her life. But when I looked back, the words had slid off the page. She lost two years of her memory, forgetting her own daughter and even asking whether she herself was Chinese. The seizure is a huge setback that brings Lotje back to earlier stages of recovery. There is no silence more resounding than that of a cognitive communication malfunction. But I think its fantastic. She has a new partner, a new job as a film-maker and cinematographer and is excited for the future. Could she learn to live and love with a broken brain? I felt that he would understand my situation. Once a teenage Twin Peaks fan, Sodderland started making small video diaries for the director for fun, not thinking that he'd ever see them. The hotel staff finds her eventually and she is rushed to the hospital where her family finds her the next day. If it feels weird and uncomfortable, well hold off a bit or maybe we just wont do it.. Start your Independent Premium subscription today. A white name tag was strapped around my wrist. The extraordinary documentary takes you on a journey inside Sodderland's mind, using special effects to recreate the distorted vision she experienced as a side-effect of the stroke and the pulsating colours and strange visuals that became her new normal. Sky High: The Series Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. Read on for more from my conversation with the filmmakers, about their collaboration, how they got David Lynch on board, and what Sodderlands life looks like these days. New job as a dreaded criminal syndicate dredges up past tragedies and ultimately her... What was going to be seen as just a film about recovery, because so! 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