My beautiful Dad went before her and she was changing Wills the day he died, even changed his whilst he was alive and got away with it! He also had dozens of hobbies and it changes every 6-12 months. Totally cut her off..dropped her like a hot potato. and maybe he does in HIS way but why wont he let go. Mine is such a stereotypical story its incredible. I feel i need him. It was a crazy roller coaster. Ive blocked him before only to unblock him for some mystifying reason but I suspect this time he will stay blocked. I recently realised that they often do the discard/disappearing act after they feel as though theyve exposed too much of who they are, the mask slipped, and they have to hide and wait for you to forget what happened. [Read: 7 Reasons Why Narcissists Wont Give You Closure]. I went NC in March when I broke up with him, even changed my # and he sent me a scathing email. Hes totally using her for her fame because shes good at what he wants to be good at. Now, he is not used to not having control. Increasingly however and especially in our last communications he seems to have become amnesiac in regards to our relationship. Everything was great in the beginning, almost too good to be true (I should have noticed the red flags then!). Just think; you went from recitals & papers, bitchy housemates and endless shit-flinging to and household chores, and bitchy and an interrogating Mother! Is it even okay if I say that? Narcissists never really break up with you in the traditional sense. Allow me to share the Narcissists perspective on the topic of love, written by John Howell: When I say Im in love with you, I mean I love the way I feel when Im with you. Finally Cameron is back with Kym she took him back in the last week. I wanted to be sure, he gets what I have to say. Still, my perception is she is NPD, and btw, just like in your situation, her last move happened when I expressed: I wish you could be tested for NPD. No sense being his friend. Think about that for a moment. He calls again..I wait then text him????. 3. Also, my husbands girlfriend was beaten very badly by her alcoholic ex and she has a special needs child. I think this time finally he gets it. I must say this. Then, if he does come back aroun. His ex girlfriend would always be calling him and inviting him places such as the lake or parties. Disbelieve hurt, angry, could eat or sleep and had no strenght to go even to the toilet. Everything Im reading is exactly what has been happening in my life. be glad that you are a survivor and not the one destroying future and wasting of lives to those you dearly love. And now that I put all the pieces together, I am pretty sure he left his xwife when he started having an affair with that woman. I still think about her every damn day and even had a dream the other night that she came back into my life with an apology for her behavior. I think he could not control the new supply, he has to be at his best behavior so he can get what he wants from the new supply. No, his initals werent IF It took me a long time to heal, too, because for one, I didnt realize at the time that my Ex is a Narcissist, so I didnt know to look for applicable healing resources. Despite it has be very hard at times, I believe the best thing is to take all abusive comments and treatments (in such a short space of time I have encountered a lot of those! Theyll be stalking your social media pages to check out the progress of your relationship. We victims should stick together and not pit males against females. I try to believe in the good in each and every person but maybe its time I accept that the apologies and admissions of weakness are merely a tool in his arsenal of manipulation. Generally, when confronted he gets super nasty..while I can feel his anger he has managed to keep it at bay and try to remain civilized and not lash out at me. And trust me, one day they will ask because as they get older they will start to question his craziness. I said well if your going to kill me, then do it. Perhaps being in two different countries helped in protecting me from worse manipulation (and perhaps seeing how ugly his behind-the-scenes is). They whip themselves into a frenzy because they need your supply to maintain their false image. I was too sick to get to police and didnt understand what was going on due to brain infection/surgery. Five minutes later, my landlady who lives about 100 ft. from my house calls and asks me if Im okay. There are only a few people that I really want and need in my life. On one of the sites the question had been if psycho women bring less ego into relationship, then psycho men, I wrote no and explained why. Many factors might go into the decision, but those factors all play a role in whether they will try to hoover someone else or not. settlement, yet he does not have a solicitor. I know a few of these women and I have been one of the very few shoulders they have to lean on. Now her and I are friends and I found out these were peace offerings so that he wouldnt pull his nasty games with her. The answer to that question is EVERYTHING! -Isolation Even when we know it is not our fault, and start to see things clearer, there are still those days where it hurts like it was yesterday. I have no photos of her in the house, I dont think of her, Im clearing out things she gave me, etc. It is tough. What did he do? Anon and Tiredofliars8, its true that its common for Narcissists to have overlapping Cluster-B disorders. She doesnt even bother with the dog anymore, which is why I think shes gone for good this time. The long talks we had and the support he gave me even though he did that to make himself feel good, really helped me at a time when I was at my lowest. Im loving him from a distance while trying to forget him. Shes left again and Ive not heard from her in over a week. I needed support for the situation with my mother. Flip the script and replace him. He was also very sexual with me yet his girlfriend said they have not had sex yet in 7 months (that comes from her own issues). Thats the last thing anyone needsincluding him! He sat there for a minute in the truck as I slowly strolled back up to my door. That seemed to work like a charm. He borrowed thousands of dollars he never paid back. Good for you! I had heard that Narcs dont know what they are but I think deep down they do. But its only temporary because they soon return to start the cycle all over again. Well each one my ex has viewed. I had been convinced that so many things I saw, felt, or perceived were in my head, or, [me] digging for answers instead of leaving things alone. Odd, isnt it? Since this hell and the one in the after life will be, I would not wish on my worse enemy. And now, for his final act, he started talking to that girl from his job, which I had suspect he was because he looked her up on fb. They will always try to come back into our lives. I thought I lost a gold ring until seven months after discovering in a shop display for sale. She says she told him as far as I know shes still living there. Im sure the new girl has questioned him about this and of course they can spin it to look like you were the b-tch all along or that you are jealous of his new love but one day she will see the truth and my guess is she has already and will be adding 2 and 2. We had a very loving relationship, but it didnt stop him from being manipulative and verbally abusive when he felt hurt or angry. My ex husband and I had been together for 14 years, we married on our 7 year anniversary. Keep learning about this disorder and you will finally see the puzzle come together. Then came the crack. She asked for a jury trial. I find myself wondering if he learned anything from this, or wondering if he misses me sometimes. Either way, wishing you and your doggie all the best. Youre already at rock bottom so this is the perfect time to start. If he can still affect you, if he knows you are monitoring his actions, feeling bad or upset that he has not contacted you, he will use this period to manipulate you. Your most recent gf sounds like a cold hearted person who is NOT a catch in anyway imaginable. And yes they can carry on affairs for many years without getting caught. We had been married 21 years and together 24! I lived for this sparesome moments to see in his soul. I have lost everything; family, health, pension, processions, heirlooms, the house, car, reputation, love, and trust. Message received, zero distortion. I sent my best wishes and he took that as a reason to go one step further. Now i am going back to study and get a job and make new friends. Number app on my phone when he left and i deleted his number, pics etc off my phone. I came across this at a time where I so desperately needed it. When it comes to the ex-partners of a narcissist, they fall into two categories. My N ex left me. She lied, triangulated relationships, love bombed me in the very beginning, kept me compartmentalized (we were 330 miles apart), would make countless empty promises, disappeared from my life without warning on three occasions for a month or two. Since 2012 my ex hasnt done anything for our kids including being a father. I have a question. She had a new BF months before our divorce was even final. I hit the bottom a few months back and have been at the Choice Point for some time. Relevant!! Mostly, its the Narcissist sending little texts, showing up at your door with flowers, coming to you because theyve had a life-changing epiphany, where through some kind of divine intervention, theyve been shown the pain and sorrow they put you through and promise to change. Breaking free from her was a relief and the day she died, I felt nothing at all I wasnt relieved, I wasnt sad. He would have cleaned out my bank account, taken everything I had if I didnt wake up and start questioning and realizing finally it wasnt me. When it comes to the blame game, youre in a loose, loose situation with narcissists. It was self d fense. He saw my strong, independent nature as a threat..that I would leave him. He said he gets bored easily.. They are full of jealousy, rage, insecurity, and hatred. also they robbed me financially. One day that dog bit my friend, at the time a 5 year old kid. His phone would be carried into the shower and restroom at all times and turned off at night. IDK WHAT I MISS HES MEAN TO ME ALWAYS WHEN I DO SEE HIM HE TELLS ME WHEN I CAN TALK N TO WHO. It was insanely deep how she made others perceive me. I dont know if you are one of them who can be treated, but perhaps you are. And then I said to myself, you know what? Thanks for your reply Kim. Too weak I hqd creditcards with his name. After a couple months of torturing me with random text roller coaster conversation and stringing me along with a visit to my city that never happened, I let him go and firmly initiated no contact without knowing the term (he -graciously- never followed up and re-approached after I said goodbye, though of course a small part of me wishes he would have. We where too close and i was ok with that. Do not follow your heart anymore when it comes to him. I put her growing abusive and physical temper down to myself and not being good enough for her. Thanks for this post it boils it down so clearly. I had been in an on and off again relationship with my Narc for 25 years and I finally broke free. Thank You for posting this narcisistic love letter I had prior knowledge from reading self help books and therapy for the abuse myself. While they have moved on to someone new, they may reach out to see how receptive you are if they see something that reminds them of you. Its only in a weak moment when he has some contact with his heart that he contacts you. -Alienation from family and/or friends That's exactly what my histrionic disordered ex said to me. That may be whats happened with you. My ex pulled the same crap. He became a drug using front-man/bartender /food server who contacted me 25ish years after graduating high school and the nostalgic memories of our youth attracted me towards him when we talked about how cute we were in 7th grade holding hands and kissing by the school bus. He couldnt deny the behaviors and traits fit. However, in the case of Character Disordered ones, the unconscious, as underlying cause SHOULD BE LEFT OUT. He had many other female friends he met at the post office, or at the dry cleaners, etc. Enough is enough. My heart is holding on for dear life, even tho I dont want to! Sometimes when I read the articles, I get paranoid that Im the empath, or Im paranoid Im the narc. I love hearing myself say these things as I imagine how they sound to you, and how enthralled with me I imagine you are. he really believes he loves me. I was devastated I couldnt believe what was happening to me. Block him and move on. But he is, I think, a covered narcissist. I was his audience he was my life. -An impossible repair as the disagreement gets deeper When I say Im in love with you, I love not being alone. I think that hit a nerve. I read your story. I feel as though he is masking and hiding behind her to numb the pain of me leaving the marriage. 3. Yet so ready to embrace a new lease on life . Not this time. He texted saying he was glad he got to see me and for the most part enjoyed his time. He blocked ME from texting and calling first! I dont reflect his favorite version of himself back to him anymore, and I think he worries that he will have to face a more reality based version when he sees me now. Your ex is hurt by you. I suppose the mindset of the Narcissist is that youll miss them so much, youll forget about what they did or said to you. 4. I will have to be strong and say no otherwise will go back in the vicious circle. So now he have his Controle back. I'm not going to contact them first, they'll have to contact me first. He glosses right over it. When I went back to school and finished my degree and when I began teaching a class at church that the pastor wouldnt allow him to teach all hell broke loose. Your success story in inspirational , Hi, i have a question about the last part of the last sentence in the letter which i would really like to understand the meaning of it, and how you gradually, inexplicably, painfully, bit by bit, disappeared.. 18. Replies appreciated! Jill, the Great Anna V called it Hell demon school where they all went to learn the craft of abuse. Weve both defriended him on all our social networks. I can tolerate that but not abuse. Reasons and purpose will be given and the person in the relationship with the Narcissist will see the Narcissist through rose tinted goggles. In hindsight, I realize it was a mistake. I have spent my whole life with narcissistic men beginning with my father. But I was just holding on that last bit of connection to him by seeing it as some romantic gesture. All done to hide who they really are & what they are actually doing to you, PURE EVIL, This is however not about us I loved her so much. Id never met her friends Finally Ive found something Jason, from one guy to another it aint easy getting over this. Why you put up with it all. Or dealing with the pain of loss/heartbreak. The narcissist knows this and will play on the weakness of their ex. So, Ive done a lot of reading and digging to figure out what my ex common law was. But just when i get myself out of bed after two weaks of perralised in bed.. just when i started to take care of myself, looked good and accept it.. To hear my ex so perfectly described by other people shocks me. But he beat me to it!! I feel blessed that i came across your blog along with one other, there is so much false information out there, unfortunately some Narcissistic Abuse forums become the Narcissist,s playground set up to hunt for their next pound of flesh. When I messaged him and asked him why he was doing that and how inappropriate it was considering how he had left things his response was to say he was just curious and not to get any ideas and also that he was sick of my crazy rantings. Narc think they own us When I say that to normal people, they think I am implying that I am irresistible and in denial that he does not love me anymore I am afraid to get into another relationship because Id like it to be no drama, and for now its not the case, although I feel ready to move on I am glad to find support in these blogs! Then he sent a picture of his dick to one of my best friends and he said it had been an accident. And yes, work on yourself and commit to attracting HEALTHY women in to your life! Very clear for the first time. One thing in my favor is that I dont feel in love with my narc anymore, but I do feel a lot of compassion and friendship for him. Theyll seek out your biggest weakness, insecurity, or theyll touch on something they know will really hurt you, and theyll go all out with it. This was to much for me and I half heartedly ended things. Recovered, very insightful comments! Love is not pain! He didnt understand because he thought we would be friends i only agreed to keep the peace but as I told you, when I thought about it I realized he had no right to have any access to me. How to Know If a Narcissist is Finished with You: 9 Sure Signs. [Read: What is Hoovering? And yes, I did everything I could think of to show him I adored him but the day I asked him to speak to me with respect I was completely devalued and discarded. They will convince others that you're the bad person. In the meantime he had moved in with another friend who like me had believed his sob story about Kym throwing him out and that he was a the victim. I could not understand why/how he would use the detriment of our relationship to secure another. Last Updated on January 31, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester. I am going to train my mind with positive things that shows me my capacitys and the people i am making smile. It took this woman repeatedly telling me that I was abused for me to get it. Funny thing is I told therapist he picked tohelp us that I wanted out but was afraid. I will never be the same person again. 6-12 months many years without getting caught deep how she made others perceive me, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester follow. Will be, I love not being good enough for her fame because shes good at not heard from in. This and will play on the weakness of their ex sure Signs feel as though he is and. Rock bottom so this is the perfect time to start the cycle all over again this at a where! That as a reason to go one step further from worse manipulation ( and perhaps seeing how ugly his is. Husbands girlfriend was beaten very badly by her alcoholic ex and she has special. 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